What keeps us from hearing God?

 

Note: This amazing story is shared from my book The Chaplain is In: Journey to Health and Happiness.

This is the story of our friend, Ed Conforti, who came to know that God was more than a big buddy in the sky who perpetually had His eye on him. Ed shared this story with my husband, Gary, and I while sitting in our living room years back. I always knew it had to be told. It is the story of how a perfect stranger took a big risk by following what he heard from God one morning. This man, named Jim Dawson, had experienced God giving him Ed’s name--then urging him to immediately take a message to him  at his office in the bank. The two men had never met. About the message Dawson brought, Ed said, after the fact, “It changed my life.”

Ed, shared this event as a example of what God can do by way of a complete stranger to meet a gigantic need on this particular day. He recalled this as an “unforgettable day."

“I was going about my business as president of the bank when a stranger walked through the doors, asked for me by name--then delivered an astounding message that would change my life.”

A little about Ed. Ed's career and how it evolved into problem solving and took him to Seattle, Omaha, Bellingham, Boise, and Salt Lake City. However, what he enjoyed most was mentoring people and developing their banking careers. Earlier after completing high school, Ed had set out on a professional baseball career with the Pittsburgh Pirates organization from 1946-948 before fulfilling his newly acquired position as a bank president in Washington State.

“Just prior to the stranger’s arrival, I was fielding some heavy-duty challenges in my upstairs office.

“Actually, things usually went well for me in business. Having good communication and management skills, I could meet my goals and enjoy success most of the time. In fact, I was about as self-reliant as a person can be.

But this year was different. Things had begun to change. The economic environment in the country reflected what was happening in the financial markets. I was feeling the burden of keeping the bank going and seeing that it remained profitable despite a myriad of conditions which, at the time, were threatening to the bank. The pressure had been intense for months. Moreover, I was dealing with the pain of ending a marriage of 29 years. Between the pressure of work and the unresolved issues of my marriage, the fabric of my soul was wearing thin.

Seven months before this, I had visited a Trappist monastery in Utah to clear my head and find some much needed rest. I wanted to solicit the advice of one of the monks who is a close friend and confidant. I shared my feelings with him, including the emptiness I felt due to my divorce and the need for a sense of direction and purpose for my life. In response, he referred me to the biblical account of Paul’s conversion on the road to Damascus, found in the ninth chapter of the Book of Acts.

He pointed out the critical part that Ananias played by leading Paul on a course of finding and following God’s will. He then suggested that I read this passage in Acts each day, prayerfully asking for an “Ananias” to lead me on a path of God's choosing. My friend promised to remember me at the monastery every day at the 4 a.m. Mass, until our prayers were answered. I committed to be faithful to this request.

June 26, of that year, was the memorable day when things began to happen. The first event of that day took place as a result of the bank’s senior loan officer coming into my office.

He said, “Ed, I am thinking about a career change. I want to leave banking. We need to talk.”

I did not want to hear this. The man was one of my best people. Things were tough enough. It would hurt me and the bank, if he were to leave.

He broke into my thoughts, saying, “I need some good advice from you, Ed. I need to talk with you as a friend, rather than as the president of this bank.”

So I scheduled two hours between 8 and 10 a.m. to meet the next morning. We were to talk about where he was and what his options might be.

Then, as if that were not enough, about 4:30 p.m. the chief financial officer came into my office and closed the door. “Ed,” he said, “I’m having severe personnel problems. I’m having trouble…I cannot handle my work.” With that, he started crying uncontrollably. I did not know what to do, so I stayed with him for the next hour-and-a-half until he could regain his composure.

He asked if we could meet again, saying that he needed to talk out his problems. I assured him that I would meet him at noon the next day at my house and that whatever time he needed I would make that available to him.

As I closed the door of my office that night, there was much on my mind. I had a serious overload. One of my senior people was talking about leaving the bank, and another was having a nervous breakdown.

The next morning, while I am shaving, all the strength suddenly leaves my legs. I fell to the floor. Then I check myself out mentally. I am not faint or dizzy, so what's the problem, here? There isn’t any numbness in my legs. But there is no strength in them.

I begin crawling out of the bathroom into the bedroom, thoroughly puzzled. I try to get onto the bed. The struggle takes 20 minutes. My legs are dead weight. When I finally do succeed in pulling myself up onto the bed, I sit there for long moments trying to figure out what is going on.

Looking at the clock, I remember my appointment with the senior loan officer at 8 a.m. Using every available resource, I push and pull myself forward until I can manage to stand on my feet. Awkwardly, I finish shaving, get dressed, and even drive myself to the office. Feeling shaky, I congratulate myself for at least being back on my feet.

I arrive at the bank at 7:45 a.m. and think I might as well start this meeting early. I had seen the senior loan officer enter the building a few minutes before, so I start down the hall to get him. Suddenly, my legs go out from under me again, and I slump to the floor.

I am relieved that no one is around to see what just happened. As best I can, I crawl back into my office, push the door shut, and sit on the floor, completely perplexed. For the first time today, I begin to think about the seriousness of the situation.

It occurs to me that I should start to pray. “God, will You please come and help me? Will You clear my head?”

Right then, it comes to me that I had been running my life as if I could solve all my problems by myself. I see in an instant how this is my lifelong pattern. Whenever I ran into difficulties, I had always beaten the problem by working harder, or working longer, or just toughing it out. The habit was formed without regard for the fact that God was the One in charge. With these thoughts, my prayer changes.

“God, I acknowledge that I have been running my life as though I am in charge of everything instead of You. I promise You that I won’t do that anymore. From this day forward, I will try to remember that You are the Boss. I am going to tie into You and see You as the source of my strength.”

After having said that, I told God that there are three things that I really need this day. “First, I really need my legs. I have a stewardship here at the bank. The employees, the stockholders, the board, and the customers are all depending on me.”

I get bold and say, “I need to be able to do my work here. God, I want that strength back right now, and I believe You will answer my prayer. And, while I’m talking to You, I need, above all, to know if You love me. I’m not sure whether You do or not.”

I believe that doubt had to do with the guilt that I felt over the failure of my marriage. Am I outside of His love, now? I need to know.

Finally, I tell Him that the morning’s happenings brought me to wondering whether or not it is His will for me to be in this bank, doing what I am doing. “I’m here quite by my own choice,” I tell God. “And, I am not too sure if this is what You want me to do. So, will You please make it clear to me, somehow, what it is You want me to do? Then, I’ll do it.”

I thank God for hearing my prayer. As I stand up, I find my legs are good again. It is now 8:00 a.m. Immediately, I go down the hall to get the loan officer for our appointment. We return to my office where we spend the next two hours. Once finished, I start out to meet the operations officer to go over the plans for the construction of a new branch bank.

Just as I move across the reception area, I see a stranger standing by the receptionist's desk. The receptionist is away from her desk, so I stop to ask, “Have you been helped?”

“No, I haven’t,” the man said,

“I’m sorry,” I say, “The secretary is probably in the back room making copies or getting herself a cup of coffee. Tell me who you want to see and I'll direct you there.”

“Well, who are you?” the stranger asked.

“I’m Ed Conforti.”

“Mr. Conforti, you’re the man that I came to see. And I need to see you right now, if you have the time. My name is Jim Dawson.”

I said, “Well, okay, I'll see you now, if it’s important.”

“It is,” he said.

I take him to my office, at which time he tells me he is a local real estate broker, and then adds, “I do not know you at all. I just know who you are. I don’t even do business with this bank. So, we are complete strangers.” He is obviously uneasy.

I close the door to my office. He continues, “Ed, do you believe in God?”

At this point, I begin to wonder about this man, but I answer, “Well, yes I do.”

“That will sure make this a lot easier, because what I have to tell you–well…if you weren’t a believer in God, you would probably throw me out.”

He seems a bit more comfortable. He begins to tell me about selling a large piece of real estate six months ago and how earlier this morning he had a legal hearing to attend concerning the property. The hearing was scheduled for 9:30 a.m.

“The buyer and seller are suing one another,” Jim says, “and I am the broker in the middle of it. I went to my office about 7 o’clock this morning to prepare some notes. Consequently, I was absorbed in thoughts about my testimony. Then suddenly at about 7:45, your name came into my mind. I couldn’t understand that, because I did not know you personally. There was no connection. So I tried to push your name out of my mind and get back to my notes.”

I think about interrupting him. A different time can be set for us to talk; but I cannot bring myself to do that. He continues, “But you kept coming back into my mind, again and again! So, after the third or fourth time, I just pushed myself back from the desk and gave up on finishing my notes. It seemed fairly likely that God was trying to speak to me about you.”

Jim explains that he is a member of one of the churches in town and that he believes that God uses “messengers” to touch the lives of others from time to time. He continues, “I began to talk to God about this. I asked, ‘God, is there some reason why this man’s name keeps coming into my mind?’”

Jim leans forward and clears his throat. “Now, Ed, I’ve got some things to tell you. I know, now, that it was the Lord who spoke your name to me this morning. He was urging me to get over here immediately to see you. I knew that, for this one morning, I was to be his personal representative to you. That meant that when I spoke to you, I would be speaking directly from Him.”

That was a little heavy, but I let him go on. “Now, this is really going to sound strange, but I’ve got to say it.”

He looks me straight in the eye and breathes deeply. “First of all, I have been told to tell you that you have been making a big mistake all of your life by trying to see yourself as the source of all your strength. You’ve got to remember that strength comes from the Father, through Jesus and the Holy Spirit. And, I’ve been told to tell you to keep that in your mind and to operate your life that way from this point on. If you do that, strength will be there when you ask for it.”

He asks me if I have that straight, and I say, “Yeah.”

“Now, the second thing I have been asked to tell you is how much Jesus loves you.”

Right then I am pretty over-awed, but he is not through. Jim says, “He has loved you so much from the moment of your conception–and He has asked me to assure you that you have never been outside His love. He asked me to tell you that.”

And lastly, Jim says “I don't know what this one means, but He has asked me to tell you to keep on doing what you’re doing now and that He will tell you later what He wants you to do.” Then he says, “Ed, does any of this make sense to you?”

I tell Jim the story of what had taken place with me during that same time frame of 7:45 and 8:00 a.m. When I finish, we both fall silent–fully aware that something extraordinary has happened. It is obvious that God had heard my prayers, and those of my monk friend, and is “getting back to me” through Jim.

It feels as if I have found the unlisted number for God, even the area code! I am unspeakably grateful to Jim for his courage and obedience to God’s request. And, I am full of joy, sensing how much God loves me.

Jim laughs, “You can’t imagine how hard it was to come over to this stuffy old bank and look you up–the president–who didn’t even know me, and deliver such a message.”

He describes to me how that, after attending the hearing, he had driven to the bank. “I arrived here at about 9:30 a.m. But, I had to park my car in front of the bank three times. Each time I would start the car again and drive away. But then, I would turn around and come back, because it felt as if a force was pushing me towards the bank. Believe me; it took a while to get up enough nerve to carry this out!”

We part with a hug and hardy slaps to the back.

That night I think back to my early twenties, recalling how I read numerous books in hopes of answering my questions: Does God exist, or not? At that time in my life, I came to the place where I felt I had found faith. Still, I questioned, at points, through the years. Now, after my experience with Jim Dawson, I know I will never, ever, have to question again. This is a fact for me, now. From that time on, God was real. He sneaked up on me! Using the face and heart of a man named Jim Dawson, God reached me, leaving no doubt that He loves me and that He wants to guide my life.

From that point on, I am God’s man, seeking His direction daily, desiring for God’s will to be done in my life rather than my own. Although this “intervention” with Jim Dawson is an unusual one, I have come to a new understanding of the interconnectedness of God’s people. For this reason, I listen more and more for the inner directives that are there for me.

Consequently, I too have been used by God through a few words spoken to an employee, a friend, or a family member as “directed by Love.” Such moments have sparked life and truth, consolation and hope, at times, when I knew God was again at work.

Each day has become an adventure as I watch for opportunities to hear what God is speaking within, and to let Him work in and through me. As long as I stay in that “walk with God,” there is no room for self-centeredness or boredom, only joy and satisfaction in the certainty that each of us is truly loved.

God has surely connected us, as if by a silken thread. He has weaved us into what has sometimes been called “the mystical Body of Christ.” So much is missed when we act like single units. Why do we not hone in more to that connectedness, letting God use it?

Endnote: Following Ed’s retirement from banking, he and his wife, Shirley, found opportunities to help others in various ways. One of those ways for Ed came through his volunteering for hospice. He sat with people who were mostly bedridden, which offered hours of respite to their caregivers.

Ed and I spoke of this work at times. Within one conversation, he said, “I never knew, as a banker, that at some point I would one day change the diaper of a dying person.” Ed’s heart was deeply committed to any assignment given to him while being with patients. He smiles as he says, “This is not something I was expected to do as a hospice volunteer. But, sometimes a circumstance arose wherein there was no other good choice.”

During our last conversation, before his own cancer experience that led to death, Ed said, “As a banker, God used the goodness He placed in my heart to help people meet their financial needs. This became the focus of my life within my career at the bank. At times, I had to pit my ability and skills against factors within a ‘bank gone wrong,’ exerting the needed corrections. During those times, I prayed for God’s guidance and found that guidance. In each instance, circumstances were changed because of God’s help. But, in hospice volunteer work, I depend on God’s help in different ways. In the end, being at the bedside of dying people became the high point of my work life. There was so much love given in return for the time I spent with them. I kept remembering, ‘God is love.’”

When Gary and I met Ed, he was President of the Idaho First National Bank back when Idaho was our home. He was one of the most amazing people we have had the honor of calling “our friend.” Having shared Ed's story, and some words of my own above, the greatest of all news is that Ed Conforti, is now undoubtedly spending eternity in Heaven. While alive he enjoyed knowing that his story, with Jim Dawson, is in chapter 5 of my book titled, The chaplain is In: Journey to Health and Happiness. 

In reference to the title used for this post, What keeps us from hearing God?, I believe the reason is simple: It is one thing to give a life to Christ, but it is quite another to open oneself to hearing God's voice. Noah "walked and talked" with God--and look what happened to him! He was a laughing stock for his friends and neighbors . . . until it started to rain. 

I think we "sort-of "want to hear God speaking to us. Yet, we really want a little distance as we hope to figure things out ourselves as much as we can.

As believers, there is more for us than we have ever dreamed. The Lord’s intent is to heal our souls of all that holds us back from being an expression of His presence on earth. The Lord wants to exhibit through us what truth looks like when it walks and talks. I believe we who knew Ed saw that in him.

It is for sure that God will lead each of us as we listen, move forward, and follow with due diligence. Thus, we are to be a “peculiar” people, different from those who have their sights only on what the world can give them. We are chosen by God. What a privilege it is to hear and to answer God’s call to be His friend and His servant.

Ed's story typifies the fact we are people in progress. God wants to move us onward toward “the prize,” of receiving all God has for us . . . becoming what He knew we could be at the moment of our conception. The Apostle Paul called us “partakers of the heavenly calling,” (Hebrews 3:1).

If you have heard the Lord’s call, “Follow me. I will make you fishers of men,” the greatest of all adventures lies ahead. I pray for each person reading this post to desire to forsake all that stands between you and the growth God has for your soul. I am with you as an imperfect human being, knowing the cross each of us is called to carry consists of the call of Christ to serve God through serving others … which means we seriously watch to keep our souls clean. In this way we are ready for when the voice of the Lord says, “This is the way, walk in it.”

“Whether you turn to the right or to the left,
your ears will hear a voice behind you,
saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it.’”
Isaiah 30:21